top of page

Why MaryJane Next Door

Let's start at the beginning: I wanted to start a blog. I wanted to start a blog about depression? About my experience with depression? Or is it about how I cope with my depression? Or is it how my depression copes with me? (that was humour--you'll get used to it)

Will it just be random? Sometimes. But the other important part is the coping. That's where MaryJane comes in--sometimes wine, sometimes a bit of 'edible'--and what my brain does with the extra additives. And Next Door? That's about me--ordinary girl, girl next door...with a kick...or a punch...or a WTF?

I LOVE myself when I'm high! Who's with me? Right? No? Just me? Don't believe it. I think the natural human (put every fucking word in single quotes--that's my way of saying every word is up to interpretation in a VARIETY of ways!) state of being is to love and be loved. The 'natural' 'human' state of being is to love and be loved.

"Natural'--who gets to define that?!---a way of existing that is inherent in our 'souls' or cells (yes, maybe 'souls' in the literature is a stand-in for cells---but humans were too immature at the time to grasp the idea of cells so that was interpreted into religion as 'souls' ---because 'religion' is the immature humans' way of coping with how 'hard' 'life' is on 'Earth'.)

'Human'--what is that?--well, apparently, there are these meaty 'bodies' (question everything!!) that get inhabited by "souls" (?) who may or may not be from another planet (s)…….that's like a whole other blog or post.....

ANY way!

Love. LOVE. Be loved. BE. Be good. Help. Help yourself, help others. Help yourself to have a good life, a loving life. Help others to have a good life, a loving life. (Is this what I'm going to do all throughout my blog? Possibly. I don't have anyone else to talk to and I think I have some really good thoughts---some really good feelings----some really good perspectives).

Perspectives: Me. Unique. Universal. Ooh that's delicious! 'We' are all unique (we=humans *in this instance) and so WE are Universal!!!

Seriously! That's that YIN/YANG thing again! Any one else have that re-occurring theme while high??? RE-OCCURRING. (Is it just me or am I damaged?)

See? I need to reach out for that reason alone---am I damaged or am I just like an awful lot of humanity out there? Am I smart or am I just an immature soul? Am I woke? Or am I deluded? Is human life just a grand delusion? Or does it have a higher purpose?

You see the YIN/YANG there again don't you? immature/wise sane/insane --the order doesn't matter! You see how the order being insignificant is a balancing act? Good/bad, angel/demon, yin/yang. There is NO judgment in the universe. Love and be loved. In the ESSENCE of the universe, there is no good or bad but there is DUALITY. There is CREATION/CHAOS.

It's the synthesis of so many religions and so many philosophers. I mean, isn't it?? I am not that old but I am not that young (put old and young in quotes and see how THAT is relative). Meaning: I haven't read all the philosophers and I don't know all the religions. Meaning: I am going on pure instinct (for most of my life), but really, CREATION/CHAOS.....YIN/YANG...….it just, it totally sums up life. Every letter, every mark I make is intentional.

Wait, what?

So....intentional.....does that mean even if I'm not aware of 'the intention', that FATE is designed??? And if 'designed', then does that mean 'our' fates are pre-determined along a predictable path or are they 'directed' but not pre-disposed to a certain out-come---rather, changeable and creative...different....possible.

I do not think this is new thought, even if it is new thought to me! I want to know how many people when 'high' on the 'herb' or 'god's word' ('god' needs infinite quotations) or life's endorphins or the body's endorphins...….feel this, 'one love'. Bob Marley felt it, I feel it, do you feel it?

Is that a stupid question or a good question? Does every generation have to ask this question? OOH! That leads me to another topic!!

Are we fucking doomed?!? Or are we going to learn? In an instant and over eons, that we have to change? That we have to learn that love IS the answer. Period. We keep getting distracted by sex, and riches, and....impulse!? Impulse? Can the 'basest' (*how's that for judgement?) of human desires be 'impulse'? If impulse is bad, is 'enlightened' good? Yin/Yang again. Or is impulse 'good'? Then …… is bad? (fill in blank with---deliberation? cautiousness? determination?) Still yin/yang to me. Neither good or bad. That's where 'religion' in its most didactic forms is so absolutely horrible. Because it is SO divisive. Except that, even in Christianity, (which, I think, has been my most pervasive religious influence) there are gems of universal love like: 'love thy neighbour' and 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you' and "thou shalt not kill'. Now, Bill, I love you, and I haven't seen the movie but I'm going to, and honestly, I didn't really pay attention to the rest, so don't slam me on not knowing the whole quotations! Well, actually you should slam me, if I'm going to publish my opinion here. But the rest is like, 'don't covet thy neighbour's wife' etc.--I think that's covered under property? Property? Who wrote this shit?? How long has the patriarchy been in power? Power being those who write history?? But okay, I absorbed the 'universal' themes and discarded the rest. But from a very young age--I TRUST that person--that person that I was at a very young age---she was pure and bright at her most basic (energy)level---and animal (cellular) level. Really? Yes. DUALITY. God versus Devil. Good versus Bad. Yin/Yang.

Yes, I skimmed the 'bad' stuff. And kept the nuggets. The nuggets of decency. I love how Douglas Adams described Jesus as someone who got nailed to a piece of wood for saying 'how about if we try being nice to each other?". (Don't 'quote' me on that) It sums up the 'bad' stuff and the 'good' stuff in one sentence---quite astounding writing if I do say so! Inspiring...

Tell me I'm fucked up! I'll believe it and then I'll reject it. I'm a good person, I have so much love to give to the world, to the Earth, to life. Not to a man, one man but to my child and all life--I want to give it, I give it freely. And yet, I am flesh and blood. How many books, movies, songs speak about this struggle of body and mind? And why? 'Religion' will say it is 'temptation' away from what is 'holy'. What is 'holy'? Isn't 'holy', really, 'enlightenment'?? Isn't that 'our' 'purpose' in life? To reach enlightenment? A path from one-ness (singular) to One-ness (universal)?? To be whole? Is that why we search for another half, believing it is in another person, believing this because of the stories we tell ourselves, when in fact that whole-ness comes from finding ourselves within ourselves?? That that is where the whole-ness is? Whole-ness='holiness'?? Are we sending ourselves messages from other lives to help us stay on the path to enlightenment? Messages hidden in plain (popular) sight (ie; religions, philosophies)?

Body taking over, very tired now. Sleep...coping.

bottom of page